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|Saturday, March 12th, 2016|
|File File Drawers in the File Drawers File
When we moved into our new digs at the Suburbanopolis County Courthouse, the designers had put long drawer file cabinets on every blank wall. The file room uses them. The IT staff does not. They are mostly empty and even the used ones are rarely labeled.
I fixed that. Friday evening, after everyone else had gone home, I stayed late and labeled everything.
So right across from my cube there is:Dragons & Drakes - Utility Weasels - Wet Mice - Dry Mice - Well Fed Cats
Beside that is where we keep:Uranium - Adamantium - Unobtanium - Naquada - Mithiril
And all the way in the back:London Dispersion Forces - Dark Matter - Dilithium Crystals - Flux Capacitors - Ectoplasmic Residue
Back in the dark corner where no one goes:Zero Point Energy - Alcubierre Drives - Lorentzian Manifolds - Krasnikov Tubes - Interdimensional Crossrips
by the boss’ cube:Use Case Files - Suitcase Files - Switch Case Files - Pillowcase Files - Just In Case Files
and Folds Spindles Mutilations - Origami Folders - Wolf in the Folders
thenVolts Amps & Ohms - Watts Farads & Coulombs - Teslas Webers & Henries - Resistance & Impedance - Admittance & Conductance
The supervisor got:Widgets & Gadgets - Framistans - Thingamies
While the help desk needed a supply of:Reboots - Startup Chimes
Since the project manager’s door was locked, I gave my neighbor:Offensive Language - Defensive Language - Poetic Language - Diplomatic Language - Forbidden Adverbs
And under all the security monitors:Emergency Rations - Emergency Irrations - Granola Ore - Granola Mining Tools - Metric Hammers
Other random places got:Unripe Paint - Plastic Bananas - West Dakota
I can’t wait for Monday.
|Sunday, August 10th, 2014|
|Saturday Morning Matinee (Sunday edition)
I was in on the high level design meetings, sort of between the engineers and management, translating between the two. Once we had a design the engineers would disappear then return with plans. I had to take the plans, order parts & tools, and tell management who to hire, and set up labs & warehouses.
Certain details stand out:
We acquired a very old computer center, and had to convert it into something useful. What do we have, what do we need, where do we put it, what is that mechanawockle contraption anyway? Who owns it? Is it dangerous? Can we get rid of it? Should we keep it as an art piece?
A complex diving hard suit, with more lights & buttons than the space shuttle.
I and a co-worker were wearing version one suits while we acted as safety escort for the model three test pilot-diver. I was trying to memorize all of our observations because I had no way of taking notes. One of my observations was that the version four suit would have a way of taking notes.
And then the company died. Don’t know if the reason was legal or financial or just because I was about to wake up. There was no ‘Under New Management”. It just dissolved.
All the wonderful we had been creating for the last couple years just vanished.
Some co-workers were discussing their future job plans. Others were crying.
I had been doing so many wildly different things that I couldn’t figure out how to put it on my resume.
|Wednesday, June 5th, 2013|
|Bad Web Programming
Tried out a new application today. One we're paying at least six digits for, maybe seven. It showed me this travesty:Improper browser navigation detected. To prevent application errors, avoid the following actions:
· Do not use the browser navigation buttons (i.e., the 'Forward,' 'Back,' or 'Refresh' buttons).
· Do not open more than one browser window or tab using the same login.
What? No. Fail.
If the user can’t use browser navigation buttons, YOU PROGRAMMED IT WRONG, go back and fix it.
If the user can’t use tabs or multiple windows, YOU PROGRAMMED IT WRONG, go back and fix it.
If your app requires a specific web browser else it doesn’t work, YOU MISSED THE WHOLE POINT of making a browser based app in the first place.
Am I out of line here?
|Tuesday, April 30th, 2013|
|Name That Server!
The first time I gave our contractors servers, they never renamed them. That led to having six pairs of servers with identical awful names like s80w2k8mb13 and stuff.
So the next time I gave them servers, I gave them George and Gracie with the expectation they would be renamed. They never were.
I would love the opportunity to give them Bud & Lou, Stanley & Oliver, Moe/Shemp/Larry/Curly, or maybe even the whole Marx clan, but having started with Burns & Allen, I'm more inclined to stick with a more obviously Vaudeville theme.
So… I'm giving them exactly one server tomorrow. What should I name it?
|Thursday, March 28th, 2013|
|Sausage Gravy Speghetti
One tube of spicy hot breakfast sausage, browned and crumbled.
One stick of butter. melt in.
1.5 cups of flour, stir in until lumps are gone.
3 cups milk. Use lowfat milk just to thumb your nose at the universe.
1 tablespoon of garlic
1 tablespoon of basil
1 teaspoon of oregano
Simmer until its thick enough to slice.
Serve over favorite pasta.
Have heart surgeon on stand-by alert. Current Mood: Fed
|Saturday, October 27th, 2012|
Its a perfect day to rake the leaves. They've been falling heavy the last couple days, its a weekend, and a really nice fall day.
But chances are good that the coming hurricane is going to ruin all that hard work.
Nevermind. I'll rake the family tree today instead.
|Wednesday, October 17th, 2012|
|More Resume Angst
I think my resume is complete, except for one bit: The first line.
"Professional IT generalist with over thirteen years experience performing a wide variety of IT tasks
Is the perfect line for the job I have now
. There are so few of us handling so many systems that we all have to be everything: database programmers, printer repairmen, network engineers, technical writers, systems analysts, systems administrators, and systems babysitters.
And this line is totally inappropriate for the job I'm looking for.
The boss says he is looking for someone who can look at what we're doing and know if we're doing it right, or find out how we can do it better. Someone who can envision the future, devise a practical path to get there, and implement it.
As a jack-of-all-IT-trades I've done enough of this sort of thing that I believe I can do this as a primary duty.
But how do I say it? Current Mood: confuzzled
|Thursday, September 27th, 2012|
|Don't Bank On It
Monday I went on a banking adventure with my probate paperwork in hand. I think I lost.
CreditUnion said "I'll take all of this, give it to someone else to deal with, and let you know, goodbye."
ica processed everything in real time (2 hours!) but would only give me a check made out to my sister and me both - which, us being 900 miles apart, I don't think can be deposited anywhere on Earth.
Meh. Current Mood: meh.
|Thursday, September 20th, 2012|
Just before I left for work this morning, I noticed PsychoMouse had wedged himself between the water bottle and a corner of the cage. He has done this before, and I usually go bother him until he climbs down. I tried all the usual tricks, tapping the glass, moving the water bottle away from the corner, even blowing on his face and still he didn't move. In fact, he was breathing very hard, shivering, and the whole left side of his face was wet and matted.
"You're totally stuck, aren't you? How long have you been there?"
I don't know of it was his teeth or a whisker or what that got stuck under the spring that holds the water bottle up. I carefully pulled up the spring while he helplessly buzzed his foot at me, and suddenly he fell. Much grooming commenced. I ended up 30 minutes late for work.
He looks a lot better this evening. Current Mood: Ow
|Friday, September 7th, 2012|
|Finely Tuned Ears
PsychoMouse has adjusted to his aquarium based life fairly well by now. He can hear all the sounds I and my house make without running around in panic or hiding. He will even warily watch me walk across the room before going back to eating. Nothing short of the vacuum cleaner fazes him anymore.
If I place an M&M on my desk and slowly squeeze it until the shell cracks, the poor little thing acts like he has just been electrocuted. Current Mood: Electrocuted
|Monday, August 27th, 2012|
|The Omega Refrigerator
I am Cloud Mouse – chef. Also son of chef. Guardian of the Condiments, Eater of the Holy Foods, Leader of Kitchens. Many have defrosted, but this is the last of the Warm places; what is cold is cold again! Current Mood: Refrigerated
|Friday, August 3rd, 2012|
What I want is for every square inch of my ceiling to glow a uniform brightness of pure white.
Oh, and a dimmer switch.
To a reasonable facsimile of that end, I bought several reels of LED lighting strips. (back when I could afford to) I put a Warm White strip up a few months ago to see what it looked like and how bright it was.
Apparently "Warm White" means white with a creepy green tint. SO, well if I'm going to put better lighting over my desk, I'll try Bright White this time, and put at least 4 strips up.
I finally finished that tonight.
They are not bright, they are not white, and they are not straight.
Instead of eliminating shadows on my desk, there are now multiple crisscrossing shadows of different colors.
Meh. Purple Meh.
Maybe I can get a tan. Current Mood: Purple-Tinted
|Tuesday, July 31st, 2012|
|National High Magnetic Field Laboratorys Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer
I wonder where we can we find a Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer at this hour. Lets ask the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory. I hear they have a 9.4-tesla Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer.
"Pardon me National High Magnetic Field Laboratory, may we use your Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer?"
"Why do you want to use the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory's Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer?"
"We would like the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory's Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer to measure our buckyballs."
"Why yes, the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory will be happy to let you stick your buckyballs in our Fourier transform ion cyclotron resonance mass spectrometer."http://phys.org/news/2012-07-decades-old-mystery-buckyballs.html
|Saturday, June 30th, 2012|
|Amp It Up!
Power is back, 15 hours later.
Everything in my freezer is still frozen solid. The refrigerator part was kept cold by being under the freezer. jamesbarrett
's didn't fare so well. His is a side by side fridge, and everything in it is warm.
Now for my next magical trick I'm going to COOK a HOT MEAL! Current Mood: All better now
|The great storm
First, there was tornado speed winds. Then came bright blue BZORTCH!es from next door. Then there were tree limbs raining down on the roof. I was turning off the AC when the power started going off and on, then off, then dim, then flash-blink-flash. About that time I started to smell electrical scented smoke. I ran downstairs and threw the main breaker.
All that was four hours ago. The neighborhood is still totally dark, the streets are full of tree debris, and my iPad is proving its worth.
Dinner was NutraGrain bars, Triscuits, and black-eyed peas straight from the can.
They are forecasting 100+ temperatures tomorrow. Again. If the power is still out by mid-morning, I'm going to pack some food, and every chargable appliance, and spend the day at work where they have generators and backup air conditioners. Current Mood: BZORTCH!
|Wednesday, June 27th, 2012|
|Creatures of the night
Heard someone messing with the AC units outside. So I pulled out the night vision scope from the closet and watched the back yard for a few minutes.
Soon I got to see a green fox slowly forage around the yard. Current Mood: Green
|Wednesday, June 13th, 2012|
|Work suddenly closed
I got a call from a co-worker asking if I'd heard anything on the scanner today. Apparently they had all been suddenly evacuated and sent home - and since I had the foresight to take today off, I don't get the free 5 hours of leave everyone else does.
Ten minutes listening to the scanner later I heard "Have the EOD dogs meet us at the front door."
Google suggests EOD Dogs are "Explosive Ordinance Detection" dogs.
A Bomb threat? Really? We're a courthouse. We make dozens of people unhappy daily. I was under the impression we have a bomb threat every other week and no one tells us. When Sheriffs wander through the offices casually looking behind plants and inside trash cans, its easy to guess what is going on.
What is different this time? Current Mood: no boom
|Saturday, June 2nd, 2012|
As hard as yesterday was, days like that are why I like my job. Its the daily routine chores that kill me a little each day.
Today, if the programmers can solve their permissions problem, is going to have a sort of 'picnic in the park' atmosphere. If not, today will have more of a 'hospital emergency waiting room' flavor.
Either way, this weekend will be memorable, which will give me another reason to get out of bed every workday. Current Mood: ready
major system install at work today
months of asymptotically rising deadline panic
every PC and every server affected
thunderstorm knocks out power to the A/C
server room 104 degrees
facilities won't answer phone
14 hour workday
cross domain permissions issues still unresolved
must go back tomorrow morning
we the broken Current Mood: zombie
|Thursday, March 29th, 2012|
According to the 1900 census, my Great Grandfather worked as a Fonpman Plasingwick.
I suppose its too much to expect the census takers to have carried around a typewriter door to door. Current Mood: up late